I write this in my diary again and again, this is because now I'm crumble!!!
Why I must choose the things that I don't like, don't interest to do? This make me crazy, I'm not willing how can I do with willingly? And how can I do it!?
I must speak out with louder"I unwilling!" or maybe "I quit!".
But I haven't do it...
I just want to discuss with you all "Maybe I have to give up this work in this December...", but what the answer I will get?
"You think properly yourself!"
"I so disappointed to you!"
"Don't! You can't!"
"No! I don't support!"
"You must regret!"
Maybe this is the answer I will get.......
How can I get your support?
I know I can do it without your support, but I haven't do like this because of I know I can't.
My ability of financial can't support me to do it like this, and I care about you all, so I have though that to give up my dream and change to the thing that you all support.
But I can't! I can't cheat myself to do the thing I don't want to do!
But when I try to change why you all always say I can't appreciate you all? Why I always is the rebel girl that in your eyes?
You always say I'm a selfishness guy and don't know to thanksgiving, and I always be the bad guys in your mind.
How can you haven't seen my changing? How can you haven't see my strive?
Am I going to do the thing without your mind? How can you always say the thing that I haven't think and haven't do!
I want to do the good girl in your eye, have I try to do? Yes. Have you see I do? No!
Don't tell me you make the choice is always the good to me!You just do the good choice for me but not to me!
I know you all want to give me the best of the thing in this world, and feel that this must the best to me, but no!
This is not the best to me! I know what is the best to me! I know what is the thing I want and also know what is the thing I don't want!
Now you make me crumble, I just want to end my life!
I have no hope! I have no tomorrow!
I'm the badness one, selfishness one, rebel one in this world...
Maybe disappear is the better choice to me......
